How To Stay Classy In An Argument

How To Stay Classy In An Argument

My dear elegant ladies,
welcome back to another video.
Today’s topic is all about how
to remain calm and ladylike.
And if you watch until
the end of the video,
you will find out my personal strategy
on how I don’t lose my temper.
So stay tuned.
There is nothing that is more ladylike
than a composed woman who can regulate
her own emotions.
There isn’t very much attractive
about a person and especially,
about a woman who becomes
aggressive, who is shouting,
who is filled with attitude, and
it’s just all about drama. Very,
very unattractive,
not ladylike and the big turnoff for men.
You must always remain calm whenever=
a person is rude, aggressive,
attacking you or if a person
is testing your patience,
or sometimes just the situation
can be testing your patience.
These are the type of situations that
I’m referring to throughout this video
when you really have to focus on
staying calm and act like a lady.
So then you might wonder,
“But Anna,I’m just a human. We have emotions.
We feel obsessed sometimes.
How can we let it out and when
is it appropriate?” Of course,
we need to let our
aggressiveness out sometimes,
which is why physical exercise is
quite good and particularly kickboxing.
But ladies, of course, you can
be yourself from time to time.
But the whole point of being yourself
and being a lady is that you do with
behind closed doors.
Yes, you can maybe with your closest
friends or maybe your partner.
It’s okay to let your hair down and
be a little bit more yourself and more
emotional than I really would
advise you to be in the public eye.
So think about that, learn
how to regulate yourself.
And I’m going now to give you the tips.
There’s a lot of tips here ladies,
but I actually want to start talking
about mindfulness and meditation.
And before you switch off this video,
because I’m sure a lot of you are fed
up of listening to these type of tips
because you are probably
switching off by now.
But please bear with me because this is
exactly what I did and I really want you
to know what has worked for me,
because I know that it can
really work for you as well.
I don’t remember even how
many years ago this was now,
but I went to a silent retreat.
It’s called Vipassana Silent Retreat.
It’s a 10-day retreat where you meditate
for 10 hours a day and you live in silence.
And the whole purpose is to
just work on yourself, your issues,
and to be present with yourself and
your own mind. Now that was a big,
big change for me and
people always have asked me,
so what did you get
away from those 10 days?
And I always say that one thing that
can tell you that it really did change me
is that I became so
much calmer afterwards.
Meditation and mindfulness,
it really does calm a person.
The reason for that is the whole
practice is based upon acknowledging
your emotions and not acting
on it. Whatever you do,
when you’re sitting down and meditating,
that’s what you’re practicing over and
over and over again for hours and hours.
So obviously ladies,
you are going to learn how to
control your emotions after that.
Not necessarily fully because like I said,
we are still humans and sometimes we
can get heated and sometimes we don’t think, right?
But if you practice
mindfulness on a very regular basis,
you end up becoming an
observant of emotions,
rather than acting all in
immediately and don’t think twice.
Now the next thing that I did, and
again, some of you will also be like
My dear, elegant ladies,
please listen carefully.
Therapy has been a lifesaver for me.
Of course, together with my
spiritual work, like the meditation,
it has just been amazing
personal self-growth, right?
And therapy has really,
really helped me become more aware of
myself and that’s the whole purpose of therapy.
You work with
your own self-awareness.
So combining that with meditation,
you really start taking a step down.
You become more observant,
you become less impulsive,
and that is crucial base
if you want to master this,
if you want to become more calm,
more lady like more composed.
You need to start learning and practicing
how to regulate your own emotions.
Number three is a tip of mine that
I still do because I’m not always calm,
even though I have gone a very long way
from the person that I used to be
10 years ago. But whenever you feel
a heated situation is coming,
I can tell you that taking a deep breath
in and out maybe a few times if needed
is so, so, so, so powerful.
Because first of all,
the whole importance that I spoke about
with mindfulness and the therapy is that
you pause for a second. So just
observe before you take any action.
And that is the whole purpose
of also taking a deep breath in
and out. It feels good.
You don’t care anymore.
Seriously, it’s that easy,
not always but it does help.
It actually does help you ground.
So whenever you feel like you are going
to become carried away in your emotions,
take a deep breath in and out and then,
you allow yourself a little
pause to just gather yourself,
gather your emotions,
no need to shoot off on the rocket and
just go and attack the other person
who just upset you. So ladies,
that is the fundamental.
But we’re not over yet because one of
the things that has really worked for me
as well is in the moment,
instead of responding,
instead of going all in on the emotions,
ask yourself before you do
anything. Is it really worth it?
What am I going to get out of this?
Is it really worth this kind of instant
relief of my own emotions of my own
splurging out and losing my face,
and embarrassing myself and reaching
a low level like that other person?
Is it really, really,
really worth it for you?
I started thinking about that a lot
as soon as I start feeling that, okay,
somebody is upsetting me right now and no,
it’s not worth it.
And that has always motivated me
to just take a deep breath in,
acknowledge what it is
that makes me upset,
work a little bit with my own self -awareness
and just observe my emotions and
what I feel. And when you observe,
you actually start seeing that these
emotions start dissolving themselves.
They’re very,
very intense in the beginning when
they joined forces with your body.
But then when you’re just observing
them, they slowly, slowly,
slowly dissolve when you’re not judging
them, when you’re not acting upon them.
Because we are actually very
good on acting upon them,
on adding some spice to them
when they just become worse,
like adding fuel to a fire.
There are some times situations
where whoever the attacker is,
whatever the noise is
that is bothersome for us,
we are not able to switch it off.
And that noise, that person,
whoever it is,
might be really agitating us to the
point that we hearing the noise.
We’re hearing what they’re saying
and it’s just pumping up our blood,
pumping up our heart and adrenaline,
and all we want to do
is to go back to attack.
So what do we do then if we cannot
make that person to stay quiet?
Because oftentimes, when we react,
we do it so we quiet the person.
But the whole thing here is not to act,
is to just observe really and
maybe give a normal response,
rather than an emotional
response or dramatic response.
Practicing how to switch off
your hearing so you’re there,
you’re acknowledging the person so the
person calms down soon if they feel heard,
but you’re just
thinking about something else.
You’re there but you’re not
listening to what they’re saying.
You’re shifting your own focus onto
something else, maybe to a happy place.
That really helps because you’re
not adding fuel to the situation.
You’re not losing your face. You’re
not reacting, really. Although,
sometimes actually, this type of behavior
can really trigger an angry person.
But as long as you remain calm and
ladylike, that’s your biggest mission.
I think, a lot of the times,
people have the strong need to validate
themselves by giving a reaction to things.
And it takes a lot of,
I would say self-esteem maybe,
or self-confidence to raise above
the strong need for validation.
Because once you are above that need of
validation of like proving them wrong or
having the last word said,
it doesn’t matter so much,
you don’t care.
That’s when you set yourself free
and that’s when people can embarrass
themselves, left, right and center
around you. But you are just there,
calm, normal,
chill, ladylike. And I think,
the whole purpose of an elegant transformation
is that we want to reach that level.
But if you do have a personality that
maybe turns into a little bit of
drama queen or aggressive queen,
then it can be worth thinking about how
you can learn to regulate your emotions
by not always allowing them
to take control over you.
In my elite finishing school, this is
what we practice on a continuous basis.
So if you want to join us, you visit.
Now ladies,
there is a video that you
must watch after this one.
It is How To Respond To
Rudeness In An Elegant Way.
I think that video and this
video really goes hand in hand.
So make sure you jump over there
now because that will see you there.

100 thoughts on “How To Stay Classy In An Argument”

  1. Thank you for watching! What is your strategy to handle arguments? Also, if you’re interested in learning more about this topic, make sure you watch my related video How To Deal With Rudeness In An Elegant Way:

  2. This was so needed because my parents are obsessed with politics and whenever I see them they spew out all their political beliefs with no filter and refuse to drop the conversation until I respond. Imagine a whole sit down dinner over politics! 😨

  3. I know how bad it is for a woman to react aggressively but I simply cannot abstain when I know that they have done me wrong

  4. I relate to you so much, Anna! You clearly have such a spiritual health about you, and I love the way you speak on it and make it accessible to those who would likely be averse to some of the more niche spirituality channels. I love to see a lady who integrates traditional values with modern ideas so well, and so similar to how I do! So much love from the USA ☺️

  5. What if my response is less emotional and more from a moral stance? I tend to respond with facts, sternly but fair, not aggressively. But i have trouble not "allowing" people to treat me or talk to me badly. It's very difficult for me to walk away without letting that person know "here's why you're wrong, here's the facts..etc".

  6. Ana, your facebook admin (or you) blocked me. I believe it was because i was discussing the halftime show and defending it because of my values. I have seen horrid racist comments criticising the halftime show. I have seen that it comes from a very classist, racist and political right agenda. I was called a witch with a black cat by one of your members. If I don't get added back or I don't hear from you again, I bid you farewell because I won't comment anymore on any of your channels.

  7. Good morning, Anna!

    I would like to make a request, as a faithful watcher. Would you make a video about education, certifications, etiquette and credentials that are valued in high society?

    Thank you, again!
    Best regards!

  8. I actually clicked the video hoping to learn how to act if there is an unpleasant situation with your man in the relationship. maybe he is doing / saying things you don't like.. how to act in a classy way in that case and show that you respect yourself and expect the same, also be gentle in the relationship if that makes sense. this video is relevant when another woman is bothering you

  9. Love that you did a Sesshin (well, that would be the name in Zen Buddhism 😉 ), and I do see how it can have had such an impact on you! And the other tips you give are as interesting and relevant, it's good to get reminded of them from time to time, it's so easy to sort of forget we have these tools available! And I do definitely love the hair colour, it was a great choice!

  10. I’m so glad you made this video Anna. Mindfulness meditation has helped me so much as well & therapy is another good way to be more calm & self aware. I love the fact that you gave us so many insightful tips. You’re so elegant 😘

  11. Hi Anna! Which yoga retreat centre did you go to in order to practice Vipasana. I have been thinking about it since a long time.

  12. Dear Anna, thanks to you ♥, I realised now the reason why I reacted! To "SILENCE" tat person! I shall be "quiet" 🤐 instead henceforth.. Will revert if I manage to make a breakthrough after this "enlightenment"! 💞 😘

  13. I do not engage in an argument. I simply walk away. Another method is this: simply say hold on. You then leave and go to the restroom for 20 or 30 minutes. Yes, it's avoidance, but it works.

  14. You know, I am not going to lie… I wasn't a fan of this channel before because I can't support the notion of acting a certain way to attract rich men. I am a successful woman and I achieved my success all on my own and I don't need nor want a rich man to support my lifestyle. I believe all woman should try to become successful on their own without relying on a man for financial support, but I also understand that everyone has different circumstances or desires so I don't judge. Anyway, having said that, I definitely could use lessons on how to be more classy just for my own self-worth so I am starting to appreciate the advice that Anna is providing, especially the ones in this video. I really need to learn how to chill when my entire existence is tried. Thank you, Anna.

  15. You're so good at expressing your thoughts without sounding scripted—– Are you reading from notes? Or is it all just spontaneous verbalizing on each topic? I wish I could be so verbally articulate. Do you have a video on that subject?

  16. I wanted to ask you do you think its okay to wear sweatpants and hoodies to school??? Or should I be a little more elegant

  17. I attended Vipassna a few years ago. I'm going again this month in Kaufmann, Texas and so look forward to it! Thank you for telling people about it.

  18. I don't know how many times in my life I have been making judgments on people only to conclude that I was terrible wrong, you are one of that persons Ana, the more I see your videos, even thought I am not looking for a rich guy, the more I know you are the person who can make remember to all of us who we really are🙏🏽 getting ready to take your course very soon.

  19. How do I avoid arguments…🤔 I don’t talk to people. Lol

    Or…..I just get all the facts straight…can’t argue against facts.

  20. You look beautiful Anna.Yes ladies fighting cussing at each other calling each. Calling each others names is not ladylike.Thanks Anna for addressing this issue.

  21. People needs manners 🚗 driving.I wished you address manners on the roads its so much road rage its scary.i have anxiety dont 🚗 drive.I take Uber taxi Lyft.

  22. I love love this video of yours ! So relevant to me as I really need to start practicing your tips. Thanks so much 😊

  23. Ok. So as usual you provide really great advise. However there are times when anger is necessary. Take for instance you want to purchase a car battery from the dealership where you purchased your vehicle- technically a “grab and go deal” just to find that your still sitting there waiting for 3 hours for your grab and go. Someone please tell me what would be more appropriate. I’m dying for suggestions. This shouldn’t be a “thing”. The waiting patiently and what should have taken no more than 10 minutes turning into 3 hours with no communication on their part. Please, please, please provide insight. To me there is no excuse for this type of bs.

  24. If someone is acting grouchy or horrible, I tell my story about a little boy I once saw at the grocery store. He was about 2 years old, screaming bloody murder and his mother was too worn out to control him. I could not take the non-stop noise, so I walked up to him and calmly said, "Hey guess what, nobody wants to hear you cry." The boy got a look on his face like, 'oh gee I never thought about it that way.'
    If I am in a group situation, after I tell that story I look at the grouchy person, smile and twitch my eyebrows, slightly. They may choose to see themselves in my story, or not learn a thing. It's fun for me either way, because the rest of the group "gets it".

  25. Thank you Anna! This make so much sense. I like the way you talk about what we should do much before the actual argument in itself. ❤️💯

  26. "We need to let our aggressiveness out sometimes, which is why physical exercise is quite good, in particular KICK BOXING" 💀💀💀😂😂 I love you Anna 💓

  27. Hey! I have a question about tattoos. I got my tattoos when I was younger. I kind of regret them now. What should I do? Just accept them and rock it… or consider laser removal? How badly are tattoos looked upon? (Btw- they aren’t on my arms or legs, they are only on my shoulder/back, hips, and feet)

  28. Hi Anna, great topic for discussion. I really enjoyed your video.

    I personally took a three-month online ‘crucial conversations’ course that helped me express myself in a more logical, factual way versus on the basis of feelings. Feelings can cause illusions from reality.

    Here are my high-level notes from my course. Hope it helps anyone reading this.

    BEFORE the conversation.

    – Content, Pattern or Relationship?

    START w/ the heart
    – what do I really want?


    DURING the conversation


    State my path
    – Fact: facts (I saw, I noticed, I heard)
    – Story: My story (I’m starting to think, I’m beginning to wonder, it seems to me)
    – Ask: Invite the other person to express their view (how do you see it? What’s your perspective? Can you help me understand? How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?)


    LEARN TO LOOK: for silence or violence from others
    MAKE IT SAFE: people rarely become defensive about what you’re saying (content). People become defensive about why they think you’re saying it (intent).

    When you can see that safety is at risk, look to see what is being violated. Respect, purpose or both? Step out of the content and address safety issues.

    Restore conditions of mutual purpose and mutual respect
    1. Feels disrespected: Sincere apology
    2. Misunderstood intent: Contrasting (I don’t want/mean/intend…, I do want/mean/intend… ) a very powerful way of clarifying meaning and avoid misunderstanding especially around respect and purpose
    3. Cross-purposes: CRIB: find a way to come to mutual purpose.

    Commit to mutual purpose: commit to seeing the interest of others. Search of a goal that satisfies both people.

    Recognize the purpose behind the strategy (what is the objective): purpose is what. Strategy is the how. Probe to uncover the underlying purpose. Ask questions about the reasoning to their purpose.

    Invent a mutual purpose: as we begin to get to eachother underlying purposes, jointly explore alternatives that satisfy mutual purpose. Sometimes the purposes are different so there has to be compromise on short term goals to get to a longer term goal.

    Brainstorm new strategies: once you agree on a mutual purpose, jointly search for strategies to search for common objectives.


    MIRROR – ie. by the way you say it, I get the feeling it is a big deal.
    PARAPHRASE – so what you’re saying is…
    PRIME – ie. is there something I’ve said to upset you? Are you concerned the doctor didn’t give you the latest treatment?

    AFTER the conversation

    Decide how to decide (so you will manage the electricity bills moving forward)
    Who does what by when
    – command
    – Consult (see the option of others)
    – Vote
    – Consensus (we’ll have we made a decision? Are we in agreement? I’m going to do this. You’re going to do this)


    Openness in not the end. It’s the beginning.

  29. I don‘t think thats right.
    A woman can be passionate, aggressive whatever. Everything is better than being boring. Even a wealthy man will prefer the fighting woman than the boring one.
    Some advice of you are good, but a classy man do not want a classy woman thats the point

  30. Hormones & chemical imbalances are relieved by avoiding artificial & natural sugars (esp hidden sugars in commercial foods which are meant to ‘hook’ us to buy more – especially alcohol – sugars ARE alcohol). Sugars deliver bursts of energy but often with eventual backlash to our systems resulting in further harm/abuse to oneself (self-loathing, guilt and frustrated relationships). Addicts always rationalize making excuses for their behaviors – and addictions):
    “A little won’t hurt”
    “Just this once”
    “I deserve to treat myself”
    “Let’s relax/celebrate/forget about it”

  31. Wow this was so helpful! I often have problems with losing my temper, and now that I have seen your video, I know what I should focus on! Thanks Anna, you are amazing💕

  32. You are really an example to follow, meditation helps a lot I agree, therapy is also so important. Thank you for reminding us to stay calm, classy, and civilized, to take a deep breath and to let go, because people don't deserve our anger and stress. 😘

  33. You are such an inspiring woman and I love and can relate to your videos. I am about to meet my significant one's friends and family in the following weeks and we will also be attending formal dinners. I would love to hear your advices about how to make a brilliant first impression on the friends and family of your man and stand as a strong and intelligent woman next to your man.

    I hope that you will make a video about these.

    Thank you.

  34. Elegant Ladies, I need some advice! I’ve been dating for six months and he loves me and is really nice to me. I love him BUT he is 41, unemployed at the moment and a bit cheap – we only eat at food courts at the mall. He hates going out and rich people environment. Myself, on the other hand, I love shopping, malls and restaurants. I feel like I am more worried about him getting a job than he is. My mom told me she is a bit sad about the situation, because she always wanted more for me. She and my dad worked hard so I could have a privileged life. Now she feels I am going backwards. The thing is: I am 35, he is my first real boyfriend and I am afraid of never finding another one. What are your thoughts?

  35. wow. Very important video. Being classy i definitely way more than just dressing fancy and looking good. Thank you for acknowledging that and helping us with it a well.

  36. You are such an elegant and inspiring lady. I can't wait to learn more from you! Thank you for your amazing content 💖

  37. I have an important problem and I need your advice!
    There is this girl (14) who always is accusing me, making small actions of mine in big and exaggerating fights, laugh at little things I do , call me a variety of names , even threaten me. And it's happening in real life but also through messages. I know she wants attention and 'power' , perhaps to prove something, and I mostly ignored her or calmly responded in a formal way , but she won't stop and it's got bigger. She pushed me from the stairs and it got me so mad that I screamed back at her. The problem is that I get this way , it's really strange, my whole body is shaking, I get extremely tensed , I don't know what is this feeling, and I want to stop for my own good. Please can you or anyone from the commentary section come across this message of mine?!

  38. Mind blowing explanation on how to stay classy on a heated argument with every annoying person we might encounter. Great content here again Anna you can be a resource motivational speaker

  39. Life experience shows you have to punch at least 7 people during your lifetime. Some people just deserve it. Even the ultra rich know that 🤠

  40. 100% on point, and by far the most key component in being ladylike. 
    Whenever possible… take a deep breath, do not smirk, and simply walk away.

  41. Wow Anna the bordeaux colour suits you so well! I’ve saw your interview and was suprised on how calm you stayed at the biased opinion of the hosts! Go you 👍🏻

  42. Dear Anna, I am one of your paying students. Please can you or your administrator reply to me? I have sent 5 emails and this is my second message on YouTube. This is bad practice. Thank you.

  43. I love this video and will share. I have two teenage daughters. One of my daughters asked me if she could see a therapist which I thought was very mature of her. My work offers free marriage and family therapy so I set her up with an appointment. Seeing a therapist every other week has made a world of different for her. She has learned coping skills, relaxation techniques to de-stress. These are things I could have never taught her myself because there was a time when she looked at me as the enemy. Her disposition has gone from moody and depressed to happy

    A couple days ago she told me of an experience her boyfriend had at his playoff hockey game. The game was tight and he was playing defense. The puck hit his shoulder and went into the goal scoring the winning point for the other team. He was so upset and felt that it was his fault his team lost. My daughter asked him if he could control the puck hitting his should. No. Could he control they puck hitting the goal? No. I am so proud of her for her counsel and I can see just how far she has come in her own growth.

  44. The smile and nod tactic! Haha that cracked me up…it’s so true I forgot about that one! Thanks Anna❤️

  45. This is so true. After years of trying, I can finally walk away from drama. The deep breath technique really helps me, too, although I have never attended a meditation class; it just seems to be something that helps. I also find that making an effort to drop my shoulders physically helps; when my mind is tensed up, my shoulders are, too. If someone starts shouting or being offensive to me in public, I go quiet, look at them blankly and, when they pause, I give a small, polite half-smile, murmur “Excuse me,” and walk away. If they are on the phone, I say nothing and (gently) hang up. Then I go and do something that requires a lot of physical effort, like going for a walk (a fast march kind of walk) or kneading bread dough or even scrubbing the bathroom, to burn off all that energy that I would have wasted on yelling and making an exhibition of myself if I had got into that argument.

    P.S. Off topic, but I like the new hairstyle – very sophisticated 🙂

  46. I promise I will do all of these when I plan my arguments in the shower then return to being a stuttery/anxiety ridden mess when it comes to the real thing 👍

  47. Thank you kindly for this informative video…I wish I could have heard this years ago!! I am excited to practice these.

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