My dear elegant ladies,
welcome back to another video.
Today’s topic is all about how
to remain calm and ladylike.
And if you watch until
the end of the video,
you will find out my personal strategy
on how I don’t lose my temper.
So stay tuned.
There is nothing that is more ladylike
than a composed woman who can regulate
her own emotions.
There isn’t very much attractive
about a person and especially,
about a woman who becomes
aggressive, who is shouting,
who is filled with attitude, and
it’s just all about drama. Very,
not ladylike and the big turnoff for men.
You must always remain calm whenever=
a person is rude, aggressive,
attacking you or if a person
is testing your patience,
or sometimes just the situation
can be testing your patience.
These are the type of situations that
I’m referring to throughout this video
when you really have to focus on
staying calm and act like a lady.
So then you might wonder,
“But Anna,I’m just a human. We have emotions.
We feel obsessed sometimes.
How can we let it out and when
is it appropriate?” Of course,
we need to let our
aggressiveness out sometimes,
which is why physical exercise is
quite good and particularly kickboxing.
But ladies, of course, you can
be yourself from time to time.
But the whole point of being yourself
and being a lady is that you do with
behind closed doors.
Yes, you can maybe with your closest
friends or maybe your partner.
It’s okay to let your hair down and
be a little bit more yourself and more
emotional than I really would
advise you to be in the public eye.
So think about that, learn
how to regulate yourself.
And I’m going now to give you the tips.
There’s a lot of tips here ladies,
but I actually want to start talking
about mindfulness and meditation.
And before you switch off this video,
because I’m sure a lot of you are fed
up of listening to these type of tips
because you are probably
switching off by now.
But please bear with me because this is
exactly what I did and I really want you
to know what has worked for me,
because I know that it can
really work for you as well.
I don’t remember even how
many years ago this was now,
but I went to a silent retreat.
It’s called Vipassana Silent Retreat.
It’s a 10-day retreat where you meditate
for 10 hours a day and you live in silence.
And the whole purpose is to
just work on yourself, your issues,
and to be present with yourself and
your own mind. Now that was a big,
big change for me and
people always have asked me,
so what did you get
away from those 10 days?
And I always say that one thing that
can tell you that it really did change me
is that I became so
much calmer afterwards.
Meditation and mindfulness,
it really does calm a person.
The reason for that is the whole
practice is based upon acknowledging
your emotions and not acting
on it. Whatever you do,
when you’re sitting down and meditating,
that’s what you’re practicing over and
over and over again for hours and hours.
So obviously ladies,
you are going to learn how to
control your emotions after that.
Not necessarily fully because like I said,
we are still humans and sometimes we
can get heated and sometimes we don’t think, right?
But if you practice
mindfulness on a very regular basis,
you end up becoming an
observant of emotions,
rather than acting all in
immediately and don’t think twice.
Now the next thing that I did, and
again, some of you will also be like
My dear, elegant ladies,
please listen carefully.
Therapy has been a lifesaver for me.
Of course, together with my
spiritual work, like the meditation,
it has just been amazing
personal self-growth, right?
And therapy has really,
really helped me become more aware of
myself and that’s the whole purpose of therapy.
You work with
your own self-awareness.
So combining that with meditation,
you really start taking a step down.
You become more observant,
you become less impulsive,
and that is crucial base
if you want to master this,
if you want to become more calm,
more lady like more composed.
You need to start learning and practicing
how to regulate your own emotions.
Number three is a tip of mine that
I still do because I’m not always calm,
even though I have gone a very long way
from the person that I used to be
10 years ago. But whenever you feel
a heated situation is coming,
I can tell you that taking a deep breath
in and out maybe a few times if needed
is so, so, so, so powerful.
Because first of all,
the whole importance that I spoke about
with mindfulness and the therapy is that
you pause for a second. So just
observe before you take any action.
And that is the whole purpose
of also taking a deep breath in
and out. It feels good.
You don’t care anymore.
Seriously, it’s that easy,
not always but it does help.
It actually does help you ground.
So whenever you feel like you are going
to become carried away in your emotions,
take a deep breath in and out and then,
you allow yourself a little
pause to just gather yourself,
gather your emotions,
no need to shoot off on the rocket and
just go and attack the other person
who just upset you. So ladies,
that is the fundamental.
But we’re not over yet because one of
the things that has really worked for me
as well is in the moment,
instead of responding,
instead of going all in on the emotions,
ask yourself before you do
anything. Is it really worth it?
What am I going to get out of this?
Is it really worth this kind of instant
relief of my own emotions of my own
splurging out and losing my face,
and embarrassing myself and reaching
a low level like that other person?
Is it really, really,
really worth it for you?
I started thinking about that a lot
as soon as I start feeling that, okay,
somebody is upsetting me right now and no,
it’s not worth it.
And that has always motivated me
to just take a deep breath in,
acknowledge what it is
that makes me upset,
work a little bit with my own self -awareness
and just observe my emotions and
what I feel. And when you observe,
you actually start seeing that these
emotions start dissolving themselves.
very intense in the beginning when
they joined forces with your body.
But then when you’re just observing
them, they slowly, slowly,
slowly dissolve when you’re not judging
them, when you’re not acting upon them.
Because we are actually very
good on acting upon them,
on adding some spice to them
when they just become worse,
like adding fuel to a fire.
There are some times situations
where whoever the attacker is,
whatever the noise is
that is bothersome for us,
we are not able to switch it off.
And that noise, that person,
whoever it is,
might be really agitating us to the
point that we hearing the noise.
We’re hearing what they’re saying
and it’s just pumping up our blood,
pumping up our heart and adrenaline,
and all we want to do
is to go back to attack.
So what do we do then if we cannot
make that person to stay quiet?
Because oftentimes, when we react,
we do it so we quiet the person.
But the whole thing here is not to act,
is to just observe really and
maybe give a normal response,
rather than an emotional
response or dramatic response.
Practicing how to switch off
your hearing so you’re there,
you’re acknowledging the person so the
person calms down soon if they feel heard,
but you’re just
thinking about something else.
You’re there but you’re not
listening to what they’re saying.
You’re shifting your own focus onto
something else, maybe to a happy place.
That really helps because you’re
not adding fuel to the situation.
You’re not losing your face. You’re
not reacting, really. Although,
sometimes actually, this type of behavior
can really trigger an angry person.
But as long as you remain calm and
ladylike, that’s your biggest mission.
I think, a lot of the times,
people have the strong need to validate
themselves by giving a reaction to things.
And it takes a lot of,
I would say self-esteem maybe,
or self-confidence to raise above
the strong need for validation.
Because once you are above that need of
validation of like proving them wrong or
having the last word said,
it doesn’t matter so much,
you don’t care.
That’s when you set yourself free
and that’s when people can embarrass
themselves, left, right and center
around you. But you are just there,
chill, ladylike. And I think,
the whole purpose of an elegant transformation
is that we want to reach that level.
But if you do have a personality that
maybe turns into a little bit of
drama queen or aggressive queen,
then it can be worth thinking about how
you can learn to regulate your emotions
by not always allowing them
to take control over you.
In my elite finishing school, this is
what we practice on a continuous basis.
So if you want to join us, you visit.
there is a video that you
must watch after this one.
It is How To Respond To
Rudeness In An Elegant Way.
I think that video and this
video really goes hand in hand.
So make sure you jump over there
now because that will see you there.