I don’t know why you’re mad. You said she has a nice ass.
Stop staring at it!
What kind of crappy Dr. Phil thing is this?
She has a 99% success way.
Yeah, on scamming people.
My parents were about to get a divorce and she saved their marriage.
– All right everyone, settle down, settle down.
We’re about to begin, okay?
You can go sleep now. Thanks, Matt.
All right, you guys are all here for one reason…
To fix your relationships.
Don’t look at her like that!
Oh, I’m sorry!
Oh, you’re trash…
Relationships drive us crazy, right?
You’re the one that’s crazy!
You know what, I think you’re trash!
I freaking love you.
And you don’t get that, you don’t see that!
You make me this way.
They make us emotional.
They drive us to do the most unthinkable things.
YOU JUST SLOW DOWN!
I’M DRIVING THIS WAY [incomprehensible]…
OH MY GOD!
Okay, maybe we do need this.
I swear to God I would f— you up.
Today, we’re gonna help you fix all that.
Anything can happen here at the zoo.
For the first demonstration I’m gonna need Bill.
Bill! (snaps fingers)
Okay, Bill is goo-
Can you relax I’m not gonna hurt you.
Billis is gonna help me reenact a typical relationship scenario.
So Bill. How was your day? You didn’t call me last night.
Uh, yes, I did.
No, you didn’t Bill.
Oh, he’s lying. I know that trick.
My phone was dead.
AND WRONG ANSWER.
Oh! my goodness!
Oh my God!
Rule number one.
Remember you have to be a hundred percent honest with each other.
A woman can’t handle the truth.
You don’t actually, like, believe this shit…
Oh shit! ow!
Oh, that felt amazing!
See she has a lot of anger built up inside her.
Aah! Should have tried this a little while ago.
Tell him how you feel!
Chill, Okay get off get off get off get off
Okay all right
How did you enjoy your night last night? Did you have fun? Yes? That was with the boys? Oh, that’s weird
Who’s the girl you were with though?
What girl? the girl my friend said she saw you with at the club last night dancing? I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Okay…(quietly) doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
(exclaims) (knees in the stomach)
(karate chops in the head)
OOOOO… Ooo son (exclaims into air) pick us!
Rule number two if you’re gonna cheat break up. OO…I have been waiting for this shit for months!
No, no violence is not the answer on this one. Thank you. Come on. We’d totally beat shit out of him. (pushes into chair) I have something better.
Okay, I like this hey hey!
You know there’s no music, but I’m okay with this. I just want to let you know my safe word is (unintelligible)
It’s a little hard to say ju- Shut up!
Okay, this is what’s going to happen “you aggressive” your beautiful girlfriend over here is going to flirt with this awesome hunky guy.
While you sit here watch okay? Come again? What?
Come to me you big thick brick of filet mignon
Hey hey, “stop it” get a piece of your own medicine. How about that? Huh? How about that? How does that feel?
How are you feeling right now? That’s how girls feel when you cheat on them? No it’s not totally different
I didn’t do it in front of her let me just lick em up, you know what enough enough!. I’m done get
get me out of here. Yeah, I feel bad for you “look at that” no, I don’t.
Huh! does this make you feel uncomfortable, huh! bet you weren’t thinking ’bout that
when you cheated on me huh? (snaps) Hey! you get out of that man’s shirt now!
Look at that! Look I am twerking on him! “I SWEAR TO GOD”
You can’t do this you know why? Cause’ YOUR A WIMP!
Sometimes you tend to be a little controlling.
We have to just.. let our men decide.
Bill what movie do you want to watch tonight? Uh you can pick it (whispers) “are you crying” you can’t no no no
I insist “babe you do care about me” You decide what movie does Bill want to see?
Fast and Furious. Aww
Not such a great movie, but you know what I’ll watch it because you want to see it. Okay. Thanks bill
You’ve been such a doll. We’ll see you next week (pushes away wheelchair)
So rule number three just don’t control your man, so I’m Joanne Brown, and I hope you don’t think it’s too soon
But I thought couples therapy would help before we got the wrong start, what he wants is something that is completely
Gluten free a very small amount of alcohol my first husband was an alcoholic and did’nt like it…Really express yourself
Tell her how you really feel I’ve been experiencing you as a
Overbearing shrew well let me start off with a scotch if you don’t mind the beef stroganoff special sounds good to me and for the dessert
a hot fudge Sundae whipped cream. She’ll have some lettuce
vinegar on the side moving on
Oh gosh what a long day, Oh thank you
these guys suck at relationships
Hey babe, uh
I just want to…
Can you uh why did you uh SPIT IT OUT ALREADY! Ellen called and she wants to reschedule for tomorrow. Okay put in my calendar?
Oh wait one more thing. Yeah, you know those grapes
I like the big ones with the seeds inside
Can you take out the seeds put them in a bowl so I can eat them seedless? Oh? Yeah for sure?
Yeah, of course. Thank you. Love you, sweetie toots.
Babe forget about the grapes this massage i- Hey!
What are you doing here? I told you not to come to my work didn’t see you
I know you did, but I have a boyfriend and you should really
Go! Hey! hey hey hey hey
Who…Who the hell is this? This is just a client babe relax. Client? Client. BS
That is not a client!
You know I’m sick and tired of you be willing me. (snorts) I guess somebody needs therapy.
Just so you all know well. While she’s trying to fix your relationships ours is crumbling “think Im gonna go now”. Okay. Bye
No, no no no no, no you’re gonna stay right here and listen to all this. You know what fine fine
You want to talk about personal things let’s just let it out. You’re not emotionally there for me
That’s why I’m with this cutie. Because he listens to me when I have to talk!
Listens to you? You know what you are the meanest
Scariest-looking person in the world, I mean look at you, you’re wearing black you
Got black gloves what are you gonna rob one of us?
I scare you?
(cuts to people sitting) here your consent forms.
Anything could happen here to zoo.
This means for you to you’re supposed to be on my side.
You know what? I really wish invited my ex-girlfriend.
LET ME AT HIM (Beat Drops)